Has your child been a victim of bullying? Or, are they the bully?
The 2017 School Crime Supplement (National Center for Education Statistics and Bureau of Justice) indicates that, nationwide, about 20% of students ages 12-18 experience bullying.
According to analysis by Wallethub, WI ranks 7th on the list of states with the biggest bullying problems; 4th for students bullied at school.
MK Protection Strategies/SAFE International MKE exists to empower people with information and skills about how to be safe in threatening situations, so it is only natural that we include bullying prevention into our offerings for the community.
Our violence prevention/physical self defense workshops, teach about social violence and anti-social violence. Bullying falls into antisocial behavior. Usually after we explain the difference, people still think bullying fits in to social, not antisocial behavior. We think it’s because people can’t link it to murder or rape, etc. It’s not the end result that makes bullying antisocial, but because the person is targeted. And it can end in serious injury, mental and physical trauma or even death.
It’s important to mention what constitutes bullying. Too many people call the slightest negative comment, or look “bullying,” which takes away from the severity of real bullying. Bullying is not a disagreement with someone or simply disliking someone or single incident or meanness. According to the US Department of education, bullying is the action of unwanted, aggressive, repeated over time, imbalance of power, existing where the targeted person often feels powerless to do anything.
I talked with a group of teen boys recently about the topic, and I was surprised to learn that one of the boys who I perceived to be a friendly, sincere young man had bullied another boy in his group because his behavior was annoying to him on occasion. He said he would make fun of the boy, and he and his friends would all laugh together about it. He later learned from the group leader that the boy they were bullying had a type of disability that was not obvious to them, that made him act differently than everyone else. When the boy learned this about the other boy, he said he immediately stopped the bullying. I asked him if one of his friends would have stepped in and said “lets leave this guy alone” would you have stopped sooner? The boy said yes. This shows the power each kid has with their peers. Use that power for good! They will feel a lot better about themselves, contributing to saying or doing something kind for someone rather than cutting them down.
Immediately after talking with these boys, I thought, how foolish it can be to bully someone and think your actions are not harming them deep inside just because it might be giving you and your friends a little laugh.
After recently watching a Ted Talk given by a mother named Tina Meier, from St. Louis, I learned her story and some interesting research about kids’ perspectives on bullying. In 2006, her daughter Megan, age 14, was being bullied at school by two girls. She wanted to join MY Space because everybody had it. Her mom allowed it with considerable supervision. Soon, a handsome boy befriended her whom she did not know.
This made her feel good, she was happy he took an interest in her. A short time later, the boy began bullying her with the two girls that she already was having a problem with from school. Together they said horrible things that Megan was very concerned others would believe.
Her mom Tina, responded By saying “getting an account on My Space was never a good idea, I didn’t want you to do it in the first place, I’m going to your school to report this!” Megan responds to her mom that would make everything worse if she went to the school. She pleaded with Tina not to go. Megan was distraught like Tina has never seen and goes to her room. Soon after, Tina goes to Megan’s room to check on her and finds that Megan tragically took her own life. Later, Tina finds out the boy that befriended Megan online was a fake account created by the girls that were bullying Megan at school.
Tina Meier now travels the nation in an effort to help parents understand kids’ perspective on dealing with bullying.
According to Tina Meier’s organization, research shows kids don’t want their parents to stand up for them but do you want a fellow student or peer. Kids have the most power to make change. Research shows the bullying stops within 10 seconds when another student intervenes.
Not all bullying situations are the same, and there are no guaranteed methods to stop it. However, much can be done to help people better understand why people bully, hearing perceptions of kids and parents, providing support and possible responses to minimize or eliminate it.
In closing, we want to have an impact reducing bullying in WI and beyond through invoking change in peer behavior, supporting parents and igniting conversation about realistic response options and potential solutions. We look forward to our public monthly SAFE Bullying Prevention Workshops, and going to schools to share our information with school assemblies and other organizations.